the only thing you need to know about public school is that people go hard as shit during classroom jeopardy review games. there are no friends here

(Source: itsbetterthananal, via myunclewhoworksatnintendo)

360939 notes


Why do people act like being a vampire is so fucking great. You can’t eat garlic bread so what’s the point

(via sharkolympics)

520019 notes

i’m tired enough to read “comfort zone” as “calzone”, and honestly, i’m not even sure why we have different words for them when they both mean happiness and usually involve some kind of cheese

7 notes



whats ET short for?

because he’s got little legs

(via itsvondell)

136629 notes


[vigorously shakes you awake in the middle of the night] do you think a bee has ever had sex with a wasp by mistake?

5931 notes

we took cat to the vet. her pinkeye is actually an upper respiratory infection so she’s getting “highly palatable” goop

she does not want to eat the goop at ALL

3 notes






*gets on tiptoes to whisper into dairy cow’s ear* why ya titty out

How short are you that you need to stand on your toes to talk to a cow?

Looks like we got ourselves a city slicker

How freaking talk are your cows? My cousins own a dairy farm and the cows are about chest height.

You sure talk a lot of shit for someone whose cousin has short cows

60738 notes

» My Throught


a man goes to the doctor and said “doctor I think I have something stuck in my throught
so the doctor said “let’s take a x-ray”
(this doctor did not no about spines)
"i see the problem a bone is there"

(via jardsale)

5105 notes


I’m not convinced german is a real language, and not just an elaborate practical joke

2 notes


Fun shark attack facts:

  • In 1996, toilets injured 43,000 Americans a year. Sharks injured 13.
  • In 1996, 2,600 Americans were injured by room fresheners. Sharks injured 13.
  • In 1996, buckets and pails injured almost 11,000 Americans. Sharks injured 13.
  • For every human killed by a shark, humans kill approximately two million sharks.


  1. Humans are assholes.
  2. Sharks are not assholes.
  3. Apparently everyone in 1996 lived in a real-life infomercial.

(via sydneythesignificant)

132312 notes

Can you explain what cis means?


when the doctor slaps ur butt after ur born n they go, “it’s a ___!” ur just like “truuuu” 4 ur whole life

57608 notes


woof woof wats for lunch lol

(via what-is-this-i-dont-even)

48914 notes



On Thursday, Malaysia Airlines lost contact with Flight MH17, and, according to media reports, it crashed in Ukraine’s embattled Donetsk region. The flight was carrying 295 passengers and crew and heading from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur.

An unconfirmed report from Interfax says MH17 was shot down. Anton Gerashenko, an adviser to Ukraine’s minister of the interior, wrote on his Facebook page that the plane was hit by a missile fired from a Buk missile system, according to the AP.

But there was no immediate confirmation.

A defense official with the Ukrainian separatists denied that the rebels were involved in downing the plane.

Passenger jets have been shot down in the past. Below is a list of five previous episodes.

This Isn’t the First Time: 5 Other Commercial Airliners That Were Shot Down | Mother Jones

79 notes


I had a dream last night that Jesus finally resurrected and when white people found out he wasn’t white they arrested him for 2000 something years of tax evasion  

(via kingcheddarxvii)

115795 notes